TEEN SEX :

Posts : 28 Join date : 2011-04-18

Kalapi wrote:: I always wanted to point out that both societies(Western/Indian) are very different. In the west, it is expected that a child lives separately during the college yrs, and infact a boy/girl still living with parents is looked down in the west but is very much expected and accepted...Also, in the West, a yound adult out of college has few options but to work, what with a huge college loan that has to be paid off right after graduation and getting a employee paid health insurance that is very expensive to be paid otherwise. This is not the case in the East. So, a child learns at a very early age that he will have to work right after college or even after high school...So, they start earning money, start doing what a so called 'adult' do...not living with parents itself is like ticket to sex..I mean in India, how many people even have access to place to do such an act...my 2 cents:)

Thats a good point, in India kids get far less privacy and as a result are less mature too. But out of college is already more than twenty, right. A school going kid is still under the parents roof. I guess I would be much less bothered about a twenty year old having sex than a thirteen year old.

Posts : 577 Join date : 2011-03-24

So glad to see u guys joined the discussion . I want this topic to be a roaring HIT .

TB darling U posted in detail after so many days . I just KNEW it u wud jump in . Welcome darling . Your young view is MUCH needed here among us fossils .

I agree with Claire totally . My thoughts exactly .

Sowmya dear , reserve all u want , am waiting for ur response ! Oh How i wish more join .

Wheres our FATAKDI BLUNT Varsha ?

And Fifs ? SWEET Wink

Fifi ?

Posts : 211 Join date : 2011-04-17 Location : Sunny So. Cal

Oh man good answers by all...I have been reading it...I have to really think it thru b4 I post...I have so much to say...

SO Kools your Fatakdi Varsha will defo make a post promise.. These days I am so extremely busy and hardly much time to breath

Posts : 577 Join date : 2011-03-24

It wasn't a suffering for the most part because the social structure demanded that people got married fairly young anyway. It made sense in that context.

Very well said Atria , I concur with this statement .

I noticed that while most answers here DON"T think virginity till marraige is sick , they DO think that it is judgemental of society to expect it .

I wish to respond to that . Smile

Our ancestors expected it . Those were the unspoken , implicit social norms then . However , I don't believe as i research more and more in my private reading [ its my Favorite time pass , studying our ancient customs] that this condition or rule or expectation had anything to do with being judgemental bcoz they were chauvinists or narrow minded . The basis for EVERY rule our ancestors made was scientific and scientific only .

If u notice .....each religion expects virginity before marraige . The White wedding gown of the Christians signifies virginity , the yellow Matav Sari of the Hindus signifies it and we all know that the Muslims too expect the same .

I believe that each religion has a scientific base .

Now as Atria rightly pointed out ............although the condition of virginity was there , marraiges took place pretty early too . So the condition was not insufferable .

Premarital sex with multiple partners was discouraged and early marraige was encouraged so that the parents could be there for the child when he grew up . Late age pregnancies did not assure that the parents would be alive when the child was growing up .

Sex with multiple partners lead to venereal diseases like Aids , syphilis or gonorreah.

The rules were made on medical reqirements . Even the jewellery that men and women wore were actually acupressure points . If one notes , certain age , days were specified for the ear piercings , nose piercings , to ensure a smooth reproductory system etc .

They did not put down these conditions to judge . The judging came due to the distortion of facts .

However , the so called progressive and modern society today questions virginity as if it is abnormal . I saw a movie the other day .............SHE IS TOO YOUNG . The theme was TEEN SEX . Thats what prompted me to open this discussion .

In it , a young 14 year old girl has oral sex and contracts syphilis only bcoz she wasnts to 'belong' to a group in school . She is the only virgin in the group and stands out , according to her , like a SORE THUMB .

Her mother asks her WHY the hell she did it .

She answers , NOT coz i WANTED TO but only coz ALL were doing it and I didn't wanna be the FREAK .

Her mother sadly tells her that Just coz ALL were doing it did not mean it was RIGHT .

To this she says that sometimes being RIGHT was being ALONE and OSTRACIZED . And she cud not HANDLE IT . She wanted friends , she wanted to BELONG .

That girl's teen dilemma wrung my heart as a mother .

Since when did doing the RIGHT thing , saying NO to sex or ABSTINENCE , become 'sick" ?

Haven't we sunk and how !

Teens judge other teens to be freaks and abnormal if their hymens r not ruptured ? Being a virgin is 'sick'? Its more progressive , non judgemental to lose virginity ?

Why ?

So who is judgemental actually ? Those who made rules for the safety of society many many years back or those who show this attitude and ostracize today ?

Posts : 93 Join date : 2011-04-18

Teen Sex is a very controversial issue in our society today . Western Societies r used to it and try to deal with it on a public platform , addressing it as an unavoidable public issue while Eastern traditional cultures prefer to deal with it by not talking about it . They feel that talking about it or attempting to 'understand' it may prove detrimental to culture.
It is a very touchy issue and society is struggling with it, especially teenagers and their worried sick parents.
As far as the western and eastern world are concerned….in the west it is practically everywhere, movies, TV, music (public radio) and even books meant for young adults. So it’s unavoidable for teens and because they are at the brink of adulthood…they are learning experimenting and being exposed to too much all at once. Things are moving a bit faster than their development…quite honestly this is robbing them of childhood.
It’s quite prominent in the east too. Just look at the movies being produced.
Also curiosity sometimes gets the better of them. They think of sex as the forbidden fruit, that they want to take a bite out of. Psychologically they know they are not suppose too so they go ahead and do it. By no means am I advocating that teens should get their groove on. I’m just stating what I think goes on in their minds.

1] Is it healthy ? Some say , sooner or later it starts anyways . Its the way youth 'express themselves' .
I don’t think it’s healthy in any shape way or form for teenagers. For one they are not emotionally, socially or financially prepared to face the consequences. Often times one partner gets too attached while for the other it was just an act. It has long lasting effects…..
The theory of sooner or later it will start… is a bit concrete, some teens don’t start until late in their teens or when they are prepared.
As for expressing themselves...sex is not a way to expressing themselves…

2] What should be the appropriate age for this 'expression of self ' ?
There is no age. But they need to be responsible and prepared for the consequences.
Expression of self can maybe accepted if it’s with the same partner hence a relationship.

4] Many youngsters believe today that expecting virginity till marraige is sick and judgemental . Do u agree ?
nope don’t agree, and if they are mature they wouldn’t think that waiting till marriage is sick or judgmental giving that it is a teen’s personal choice to avoid it till marriage.
Just like sex, abstinence is a personal choice, and most teen do respect it along with lots of questioning.

5] Were our ancestors judgemental or were they making these rules to keep minimum chaos in society ?
not so much judgmental , I think it was a precautionary and protective measure.

6] Is it ok if teens indulge in sex if they use adequate protection ? Should the permission for sex be given if they promise to have 'safe sex' ?
As long as the teen is responsible and prepared, but only after 18, and even 18 is bad time only because they are transitioning from high school to college. College can be a whole different ball game.

7] Would we want this for our children when they grow up ? Is it a part of 'letting go " ?
Even though my stance is moderate in terms of teen sex, if and when I do become a mom, I would not want my teens to indulge in such activities but ultimately it will be their choice. I would make it so that they are well informed about sex.

8] Adults can have it if they r unmarried but teens can't is what some believe .Is it fair ?
it’s not about fairness, just about how responsible they are. Adults are better equipped to handle it.

9] Who decides WHEN premarital Sex should commence ?
The individual after considering the pros and cons, and it also depends on how many partners and quite possibly the time span in between partners.

10] If Teen Sex leads to pregnancies , should we help our kids our alienate them ? I ask this specifically as while doing irresponsible sex they defied us and didn't ask us . So do they desrve help or should they bear the brunt of their actions as thats how it is in LIFE ?
Thank goodness I don’t have to worry about it for a long time…parenting is tough.
Somewhere I would hold myself responsible and eventually help my teen out. I wouldn’t want them to suffer their whole life for this. If it’s my son who is expecting then I would encourage him to support the girl and the child, cos it takes two to tango.
Not to be passive or accepting of their act, deep down I would want them to be happy, so after the initial phase of anger and rage I would try to lighten their problems. Couldn’t see them suffer eternally. Understand and accept the bad and work towards making it better.

Posts : 25 Join date : 2011-04-18

koolsadhu1000 wrote:: It wasn't a suffering for the most part because the social structure demanded that people got married fairly young anyway. It made sense in that context.

Very well said Atria , I concur with this statement .

I noticed that while most answers here DON"T think virginity till marraige is sick , they DO think that it is judgemental of society to expect it .

I wish to respond to that .

Our ancestors expected it . Those were the unspoken , implicit social norms then . However , I don't believe as i research more and more in my private reading [ its my Favorite time pass , studying our ancient customs] that this condition or rule or expectation had anything to do with being judgemental bcoz they were chauvinists or narrow minded . The basis for EVERY rule our ancestors made was scientific and scientific only .

If u notice .....each religion expects virginity before marraige . The White wedding gown of the Christians signifies virginity , the yellow Matav Sari of the Hindus signifies it and we all know that the Muslims too expect the same .

I believe that each religion has a scientific base .

Now as Atria rightly pointed out ............although the condition of virginity was there , marraiges took place pretty early too . So the condition was not insufferable .

Premarital sex with multiple partners was discouraged and early marraige was encouraged so that the parents could be there for the child when he grew up . Late age pregnancies did not assure that the parents would be alive when the child was growing up .

Sex with multiple partners lead to venereal diseases like Aids , syphilis or gonorreah.

The rules were made on medical reqirements . Even the jewellery that men and women wore were actually acupressure points . If one notes , certain age , days were specified for the ear piercings , nose piercings , to ensure a smooth reproductory system etc .

They did not put down these conditions to judge . The judging came due to the distortion of facts .

However , the so called progressive and modern society today questions virginity as if it is abnormal . I saw a movie the other day .............SHE IS TOO YOUNG . The theme was TEEN SEX . Thats what prompted me to open this discussion .

In it , a young 14 year old girl has oral sex and contracts syphilis only bcoz she wasnts to 'belong' to a group in school . She is the only virgin in the group and stands out , according to her , like a SORE THUMB .

Her mother asks her WHY the hell she did it .

She answers , NOT coz i WANTED TO but only coz ALL were doing it and I didn't wanna be the FREAK .

Her mother sadly tells her that Just coz ALL were doing it did not mean it was RIGHT .

To this she says that sometimes being RIGHT was being ALONE and OSTRACIZED . And she cud not HANDLE IT . She wanted friends , she wanted to BELONG .

That girl's teen dilemma wrung my heart as a mother .

Since when did doing the RIGHT thing , saying NO to sex or ABSTINENCE , become 'sick" ?

Haven't we sunk and how !

Teens judge other teens to be freaks and abnormal if their hymens r not ruptured ? Being a virgin is 'sick'? Its more progressive , non judgemental to lose virginity ?

Why ?

So who is judgemental actually ? Those who made rules for the safety of society many many years back or those who show this attitude and ostracize today ?

Very valid point Kools...but I think as I pointed out before the fundamental nature of Western Society is different. It is a capitalist/materialistic socity (and i know mean it anyway bad) where being 'me too' is very important. How many tinmes haven't we wanted a bigger house, a better TV just because we want it/ but don't need it. It not only being materialistic. we update our status in facebook, but why does really out friends need updated information of what we do...it is the same 'me too' mentality...A lot of time parent start showering kids with expensive toys, or buy an expensive toy just because a friend has one...it is because we love our kids or because it is agin 'my kid has too'. If we as adults are always 'me too' why wouldn't our kid who faces much more peer pressure give into pressures like having sex...or posing nude pics on the internet...can we as adult are able to handle the pressure we face from our peers...kids faces tougher environment...they want to belong to a herd,after all we all are social being and social acceptance forms an important part of our existence too...at the end no one likes to be bullied...there are enough examples in our schools of bullying and being a virgin can become a bullying point too...at the end kids will choose whatever will get him/her out of a particular situstion:)

Subject: Re: TEEN SEX : Fri Apr 22, 2011 7:09 am

koolsadhu1000 wrote:: It wasn't a suffering for the most part because the social structure demanded that people got married fairly young anyway. It made sense in that context.

Very well said Atria , I concur with this statement .

I noticed that while most answers here DON"T think virginity till marraige is sick , they DO think that it is judgemental of society to expect it .

I wish to respond to that .

Our ancestors expected it . Those were the unspoken , implicit social norms then . However , I don't believe as i research more and more in my private reading [ its my Favorite time pass , studying our ancient customs] that this condition or rule or expectation had anything to do with being judgemental bcoz they were chauvinists or narrow minded . The basis for EVERY rule our ancestors made was scientific and scientific only .

If u notice .....each religion expects virginity before marraige . The White wedding gown of the Christians signifies virginity , the yellow Matav Sari of the Hindus signifies it and we all know that the Muslims too expect the same .

I believe that each religion has a scientific base .

Now as Atria rightly pointed out ............although the condition of virginity was there , marraiges took place pretty early too . So the condition was not insufferable .

Premarital sex with multiple partners was discouraged and early marraige was encouraged so that the parents could be there for the child when he grew up . Late age pregnancies did not assure that the parents would be alive when the child was growing up .

Sex with multiple partners lead to venereal diseases like Aids , syphilis or gonorreah.

The rules were made on medical reqirements . Even the jewellery that men and women wore were actually acupressure points . If one notes , certain age , days were specified for the ear piercings , nose piercings , to ensure a smooth reproductory system etc .

They did not put down these conditions to judge . The judging came due to the distortion of facts .

However , the so called progressive and modern society today questions virginity as if it is abnormal . I saw a movie the other day .............SHE IS TOO YOUNG . The theme was TEEN SEX . Thats what prompted me to open this discussion .

In it , a young 14 year old girl has oral sex and contracts syphilis only bcoz she wasnts to 'belong' to a group in school . She is the only virgin in the group and stands out , according to her , like a SORE THUMB .

Her mother asks her WHY the hell she did it .

She answers , NOT coz i WANTED TO but only coz ALL were doing it and I didn't wanna be the FREAK .

Her mother sadly tells her that Just coz ALL were doing it did not mean it was RIGHT .

To this she says that sometimes being RIGHT was being ALONE and OSTRACIZED . And she cud not HANDLE IT . She wanted friends , she wanted to BELONG .

That girl's teen dilemma wrung my heart as a mother .

Since when did doing the RIGHT thing , saying NO to sex or ABSTINENCE , become 'sick" ?

Haven't we sunk and how !

Teens judge other teens to be freaks and abnormal if their hymens r not ruptured ? Being a virgin is 'sick'? Its more progressive , non judgemental to lose virginity ?

Why ?

So who is judgemental actually ? Those who made rules for the safety of society many many years back or those who show this attitude and ostracize today ?

kools i totally agree wid what u said..sex for the reason of fitting in wid the crowd or coz ur BF/GF wants it and u dnt want to lose the relationship so u compromise on UR thoughts and beliefs is NOT the right reason..i said the same in my post..i believe in choices,and i believe in handling the circumstances tht arise out of those choices u make..my parents have always told me tht..wid the added statemnt of "dnt come crying if ur choice turns out to be wrong,work it out to the best urself"..which is why i say tht sumthng like sex is a very very personal choice to make..and it shud be for the simple reason of love and mutual respect..not coz of any pressure or compromise..i have been in relationship for over 6 yrs now and not once has there been any pressure for compromising on my beliefs..
the basic thing tht bothers me is the two-facedness wen it comes to the two genders..i believe very strongly in rules,in commitment,in vows..and i believe in them being the same for all irrespective of the gender..if we as a society believe in a girl remaining a virgin till marriage,thn why not the same for the guy?i dnt say the girl shud sleep arnd just coz the guy has..no,what i mean is at times the idea of virginity might be overrated..my sincere apologies to anyone i might be offending by this statement,bt i personally know one of my friends who underwent quite a traumatic experience in this regard..she was young and naive and fell for a much older guy it snowballed into an extended family issue..and the girl at the age of 15 was taken for a test of her virginity inspite of repeating many a times tht she hadnt had sex..and unfortunately she was declared as a non-virgin in the most tasteless manner possible,nobody believed her wen she pleaded wid all to believe her and the possibility of the hymen tearing coz of any reason other thn sex was not even mentioned..at the end of it all,this girl shies away even at the name of men..she is totally commitment phobic and simply hates even the idea of sex..i know she had goofed up and payed heavily for it..bt it leaves a sour note on how nobody cared to believe her over the absence of nothing more thn a body tissue..and here if it were a guy,the entire situation wudnt have arised at all..i know women as a race are more vulnerable and so parents worry more for thm..i get tht totally..bt shudnt the psyche of the person be given more due?like if a girl has a monogamous long term relationship and she chooses to have sex wid her partner,is it more shameful thn a married woman having an extra-marital affair?am probably sounding very impetuous and again am sorry for any offense..

Posts : 577 Join date : 2011-03-24

So it’s unavoidable for teens and because they are at the brink of adulthood…they are learning experimenting and being exposed to too much all at once. Things are moving a bit faster than their development…quite honestly this is robbing them of childhood.

Yes the childhood is all GONE . They take pride in becoming ADULT as soon as possible , even when their body hasn't fully matured yet . They are not just exposed to bioilogical facts of life ........they r exposed to PORN . They learn about sex in the most UNHEALTHY way . The exposure to this delicate subject itself gets a very unhealthy , detrimental base .

I wish to respond to ur statement that its UNAVOIDABLE for teens . I agree with it and I hold US , Society responsible for it . It is WE who have made it unavoidable . We gave them the options . We shouldn;t have . If there were no options , this chaos would be minimal . Like TB said sex always was there and always will be ......the difference is it is rampant now and not in check .

Why do we keep these proms in highschool ? Why do we create this atmosphere in education institutions ? School is a place to study . Where boys and girls shud be encouraged to have healthy friendships and work on various projects together , their worries today r if they will get a dATE for a prom . This is a question a harassed mother asked me ...........she had just found out that her innocent looking daughter had been in a relationship with a boy for 3 years [ since middle school] and it was on her FB wall . By mistake the girl had forgot to log out and the Mom had read it . They get interested so soon coz even we help in creating such aan atmosphere , she wailed . Why do we have these proms voms , do they help in contributing anything towards education ? But yes , they do get IDEAS .

This may sound extreme to many . But I understood where she was coming from . The saddest part is that parents r scared of losing their teenaged offsprings so they swallow their better instincts and put on fake bonhomie and try to be in their good books by becoming their 'friends' . It is actually the other way around ..........THEY shud be in awe of us , and think THRICE before doing ANYTHINg untoward ........be it smoking on the sly , or drugs or indulging in sex. But we see a different picture .

Something has gone wrong and parents r responsible for it is always the conclusion I come to . Tackling them in teenage isnt easy , its gonna be rough before everything becomes smooth , but we r scared .

Subject: Re: TEEN SEX : Fri Apr 22, 2011 2:11 pm

kools,the core issue is tht kids learn abt sex real early and they learn it frm their friends and peers..and everybody ends up wid a very warped idea abt it..In India there is nothing like sex ed..in fact it was very strongly opposed by lot of people wen the idea was being thought upon a few years back..so what happens is tht kids learn abt it frm the internet,frm magazines,frm porn videos which are as easy to access as pizza is nowadays..the end result is what we see and read abt daily..maybe if an adult sat kids down in school,in sum health camp,anywhere and atleast told thm in a matter-of-fact tone abt what the pros and cons are wid early sex,maybe,just maybe the scenario wud be diff..

Posts : 28 Join date : 2011-04-18

anu rulz wrote:: kools,the core issue is tht kids learn abt sex real early and they learn it frm their friends and peers..and everybody ends up wid a very warped idea abt it..In India there is nothing like sex ed..in fact it was very strongly opposed by lot of people wen the idea was being thought upon a few years back..so what happens is tht kids learn abt it frm the internet,frm magazines,frm porn videos which are as easy to access as pizza is nowadays..the end result is what we see and read abt daily..maybe if an adult sat kids down in school,in sum health camp,anywhere and atleast told thm in a matter-of-fact tone abt what the pros and cons are wid early sex,maybe,just maybe the scenario wud be diff..

Thats true in India, but in the west kids do have sex-ed classes in most schools. I think its because casual sex is presented as a cool thing to kids from a very early age. Sex used to be thought of as something intimate between two people, now boys and girls are supposed to look sexy so everyone can drool over them, the idea of intimacy is gone. Popular culture in the west endorses this ideal very strongly, so almost every role model a kid has here is a highly sexualized one. Look at Rihanna's videos, she is watched and idolized mostly by young girls. Nowadays in India also the top heroines gyrate about wearing next to nothing in movies that kids go to see all the time. Sex-ed classes are needed, definitely, but what is needed more is that we need to stop throwing sex at our children at every opportunity.

Subject: Re: TEEN SEX : Fri Apr 22, 2011 2:36 pm

oh ya..sex is thrown at children's faces at every single opportunity..tht is very very true..and result is tht nowadays,kids are all mini-adults..there is no concept of childhood..and the generations change in the blink of an eye..i feel as tho am frm sum long forgotten generation wen am wid younger cousins now..the PDA in coffeeshops,on the streets,in theatres is alarming..am like "how old are u kids to be doing sumthng like this?" wen we were kids,sum 10-12 yrs back,we were utter idiots..

Posts : 244 Join date : 2011-04-17 Age : 37

Kool Di,

Its really a Hot Discussion, and I think it is going on. as they are long enough,I haven't read it yet.
Di,By this time you would have Known me or Judged me, Yes I admit,I am a bit old fashioned, having thoughts that were not westernized
and at the same time not regressive which have emphasis on family and valuing relationships, with which I would say a complete No for Teen Sex.At the same time looking for a practical approach too as I am in the world where it happens a lot these days.
I wasn't eligible to give suggestions or conclusion,I might not be good in what I tried to express too,So trying to give my two cents on it.This is given where I am being concerned.

1] Is it healthy ? Some say , sooner or later it starts anyways . Its the way youth 'express themselves' .

For me its not healthy in a emotional way . I didn't find it as the way youth express themselves.
Its not the way to express ,i just see it as an attraction at that age. Nothing much. Just for the lame reasons like to ease off or to relieve from the pressure is not done.

2] What should be the appropriate age for this 'expression of self ' ?

I would prefer it to be 20 and above where a person would be able to distinguish between what will be good for them and will they be able to handle it and the consequences of it too. I would prefer person who reach a age where they work,knows oneself and can take care of themselves. for me its not the age,its the person's balance that matters.

3] Was the compulsion of being a virgin till one got married a horrifying puritanical excess , a suffering ?

I don't find it as a suffering.May be the environment where we brought up also hold responsible for such thought processes. I see the sex part as a marital bliss. If that is done on the concretes of marriage commitment, then there lies the strength,happiness,correctness is what I see.
Sorry to bring in PR here too Embarassed

. If you see now,why we aren't interested in PR, because the initial innocence and shyness we saw in them is not there.They Leads have become quite used to them that the initial thing on them that attracted us was not there,simply to say they weren't new.

Just the same way I see the issue of having three/four boyfriends/girl friends before marriage,everything done and then entering into marital relationship. Here nothing is new for them, then the strength of bond that relationship have will not be strong, because I believe that the initial innocence on it will leave a greater impression and a stronger bond.

But then ,being virgin alone used as a yard stick and whereas other characters are ignored should also be not done.Best interest should be seen.

4] Many youngsters believe today that expecting virginity till marraige is sick and judgemental . Do u agree ?

Many feel now it as sick or Judgmental. Though It depends on the Individual and I wont take such youngsters wrong. where as I am concerned as i said above, I dont feel it as sick.

5] Were our ancestors judgemental or were they making these rules to keep minimum chaos in society ?

I will go with the second one. i really think they have made these to minimize the Chaos.

6] Is it ok if teens indulge in sex if they use adequate protection ? Should the permission for sex be given if they promise to have 'safe sex' ?

As it is becoming unavoidable (in today's westernized societies),I would say then atleast they can be adviced or explained to have a adequate protection

7] Would we want this for our children when they grow up ? Is it a part of 'letting go " ?

I would definitely did not want this for my children and i wouldn't find it good even if my mom think it as a part of letting go for myself.
So Answer is

8] Adults can have it if they r unmarried but teens can't is what some believe .Is it fair ?

It is not fair is what I would say. but again the emotional ,personal balance come into picture. in that case,the adults can handle it to an extent, the knew the consequences of it, they know how to face it,if happens ,overall they would handle it better which is not the case with Teens.

9] Who decides WHEN premarital Sex should commence ?

No one can decide it. who can tell this is the right age or has authority to do it. Again its purely depends on whom it is.

10] If Teen Sex leads to pregnancies , should we help our kids our alienate them ? I ask this specifically as while doing irresponsible sex they defied us and didn't ask us . So do they deserve help or should they bear the brunt of their actions as thats how it is in LIFE ?

I would say that providing a Assistance would be a better option. Atlast they are the kids of yours , so we need to look after them and just cant let it go. No parents can do it. But at the same time, baring the whole responsibility is also not done. Just a helping hand in terms of tough situations, because they too have to know it that because of their actions, this kind of situation she has to go thro,needs this realization which will put in a better light for their future too.

Posts : 93 Join date : 2011-04-18

figured i post it since it is relevant

http://news.yahoo.com/video/us-15749625/teen-s-fake-pregnancy-fools-school-24993410 scratch

Subject: Re: TEEN SEX : Sat Apr 23, 2011 2:53 am

i was in the gym today morning and one of the trainers had gotten her 5 yr old daughter wid her..the tv is generally fixed on Mtv or sum other music channel invariably so was on today as well..the sheila song started playing and the kid started dancing on the song singing the song..i was wondering if she even knew what "sexy" meant..and how the mother is dotingly lookin at her daughter dancing the same hip thrusting steps tht Kat was doing..and the cherry on the top is tht the mother turns to another member there and says,see how cute she looks wen dancing..am thinkin of gettin her to join bollywood dancing..am wondering how was it "cute" wen she is listening to music inappropriate for her age and dancing to songs which are so not for 5 yr olds..thn the next song was the new DMD song which i heard for the first time today..the lyrics are worse thn garbage..and the kid AND the mum started singing the song along.. Rolling Eyes

i left the place thinking of myself being like the moral police or sumthng bt i just cudnt get it out of my head..u see kids on tv acting,singing and dancing on themes so adult..the talent shows which again make the child grow up too soon..kids are not kids anymore..further,the education system is such tht now children dnt even worry abt 10th exams any longer..there are no Boards thn..teachers shouting at kids is not allowed coz the next thing u know,the child tried to commit suicide..ther is no tolerance left..so now the avg 13-15 yr old has way too much free time and nothing to work on studywise..khaali dimag shaitan ka hi ghar hota hai..

Posts : 577 Join date : 2011-03-24

That is why I said WE , PARENTS r responsible .

I want to share something too . Just two days back my cousin phoned me and she told me that a 15 year old girl in her neighbourhood in Mumbai , had sex with a boy she knew since only ONE month . She lost her virginity to him . Not just that , the boy gave her a pill so she shud not conceive .

The girl then went to her steady boyfriend of one year [ yes she had one }and told him everything and then said I'm sorry ha , I won't be a virgin when we marry , I lost my virginity ...........and told him full story .

The steady bf was zapped . He kept his personal anger , sense of betrayal etc aside and felt WORRIED for her as a human . He phoned the girl's mother and told her all , and told her to keep an eye on her . Coz it seems this girl had returned from scchool in the afternoon in a rickshaw that she kept standing down , cme up , threw her school bag in her room , changed her uniform and told her mom before rushing out , she is going to a friend to get some notes .

She went straight to the flat of that boy she had met only a month ago and had sex. She badly wanted to lose her virginity .

The girl's mom came crying to my cousin sister with the girl's horoscope coz my sister reads horoscopes excellently and cried and told her the story . She wanted to check the planetary conditions that were giving her girl this budhhi to behave this way .

Just one afternoon it took for the girl's life to channge . Thank God that boy at least gave her a pill . The very fact that he had them handy shows it was not the first time for him .

This is frightening . What I gathered was losing virginity AS FAST AS possible seems to be the IN thing nowdays .

Posts : 577 Join date : 2011-03-24

I see the sex part as a marital bliss. If that is done on the concretes of marriage commitment, then there lies the strength,happiness,correctness is what I see.

Lovely answer Umi , I am so proud that u entered this discussion and shared ur views with us . Smile

I agree with them , and especially the above part .

Most of the youngsters today do not understand that saving the sex part for marraige is actually a part of marital bliss .

There was a time when saving oneself for marraige was considered beautiful , spiritual .

That thought process has almost vanished now .In fact it is laughed at by teens.

I wish to hold a workshop in my son's school if I am ever allowed so that I can talk to them on this issue and ask them what do they really think marraige is about and why is abstaining so stupid or sick according to them . Why is being a virgin a freak .I wud welcome that dialogue . If at the end of it I wud be able to change even ONE youngster's mind , I wud consider it a success .

Labelling all the WRONG things like thoughtless quick sex etc as fashionable and all the RIGHT thing like firmly saying NO as sick , outdated or laughable [ Oh My ! So Ur practising to be a 'GOOD ' Girl , huh ?}is something we humans do ........its a matter of OPINION only . Somewhere along the line , the wrong thought process was hailed as the IN THING coz the contrary opinion was not effectively presented and if given a chance I wud like to do that .

Btw My teen son who is debates on these topics told me that before Sex Education talks were introduced in the US , the rate of teen pregnancies was low . it seems after five years after the sex education became part of the schools programs , there was a boom in teen pregnancies . He quoted statistics that went above my head .

He told me that this was ironic . It seems the teens had only grasped HOw sex was done from the talks and rushed to do it ! This was the conclusion the commitees who tried to explain the boom came to .

Still we agreed that sex education is a must in school . What I feel is suomone stressing and stressing on abstinence shud be involved in this talk too .

Posts : 244 Join date : 2011-04-17 Age : 37

Kool Di,
Totally agree with you,
Though the education about sex is important, 'ok,you are doing it,so do it safe' should not be the case.
The education shouldn't end at that level is what i Feel.
as you said ' suomone stressing and stressing on abstinence shud be involved in this talk too' ,
is what should be done.

And if you get a chance and succeed in it,I would be very Happy.

Posts : 93 Join date : 2011-04-18

koolsadhu1000 wrote:: So it’s unavoidable for teens and because they are at the brink of adulthood…they are learning experimenting and being exposed to too much all at once. Things are moving a bit faster than their development…quite honestly this is robbing them of childhood.

Yes the childhood is all GONE . They take pride in becoming ADULT as soon as possible , even when their body hasn't fully matured yet . They are not just exposed to bioilogical facts of life ........they r exposed to PORN . They learn about sex in the most UNHEALTHY way . The exposure to this delicate subject itself gets a very unhealthy , detrimental base .

yes and no. i think it depends on how the school handles the giving out the info. while i was in school we were eased it into it. it was a progression of sorts but mostly dealt with the biological changes. I dont' know what they teach now.

I wish to respond to ur statement that its UNAVOIDABLE for teens . I agree with it and I hold US , Society responsible for it . It is WE who have made it unavoidable . We gave them the options . We shouldn;t have . If there were no options , this chaos would be minimal . Like TB said sex always was there and always will be ......the difference is it is rampant now and not in check .

Yes society is responsible for it. But parents do have control. they shouldn't subscribe to channels that have such things. that means no MTV. no computers in their rooms.

Why do we keep these proms in highschool ? Why do we create this atmosphere in education institutions ? School is a place to study . Where boys and girls shud be encouraged to have healthy friendships and work on various projects together , their worries today r if they will get a dATE for a prom . This is a question a harassed mother asked me ...........she had just found out that her innocent looking daughter had been in a relationship with a boy for 3 years [ since middle school] and it was on her FB wall . By mistake the girl had forgot to log out and the Mom had read it . They get interested so soon coz even we help in creating such aan atmosphere , she wailed . Why do we have these proms voms , do they help in contributing anything towards education ? But yes , they do get IDEAS .

well its not necessary to have proms. but at this point they are 17or 18, so they will have to face situations such at these in the future.

This may sound extreme to many . But I understood where she was coming from . The saddest part is that parents r scared of losing their teenaged offsprings so they swallow their better instincts and put on fake bonhomie and try to be in their good books by becoming their 'friends' . It is actually the other way around ..........THEY shud be in awe of us , and think THRICE before doing ANYTHINg untoward ........be it smoking on the sly , or drugs or indulging in sex. But we see a different picture .

Something has gone wrong and parents r responsible for it is always the conclusion I come to . Tackling them in teenage isnt easy , its gonna be rough before everything becomes smooth , but we r scared .

you brought up good points. scratch

i'm not quite sure i have all the answers but i know that good parenting goes a long way. Very Happy

Posts : 40 Join date : 2011-04-18

Teen Sex is a very controversial issue in our society today
. Western Societies r used to it and try to deal with it on a public platform ,
addressing it as an unavoidable public issue while Eastern traditional cultures
prefer to deal with it by not talking about it . They feel that talking about
it or attempting to 'understand' it may prove detrimental to culture.

Yes, the approaches of both cultures are very different. I
work in the field of Health Education and one of the programs I work on is
Teenage Pregnancy Prevention. The foundation of this program is the basic fact
that teens do and will have sex and therefore it is better to educate them as
to what the consequences would be if and when they do indulge in it. Inform
them about how this could lead to diseases and unwanted pregnancy. Along with
this the benefits of abstinence are also presented and discussed. We do not
work directly with the teens but with health educators and social workers who
work for programs for teens.

The scenarion on India is changing at a very rapid
pace and the approach needs to chang to. Not talking about it or understanding
it may son prove detrimental to society and indirectly to the culture too.

Whatever may be the approach , Teen Sex exists and has affected society more
than one cares to admit . The discussion I want to initiate should primarily
answer these questions for me ...............

1] Is it healthy? Some say, sooner or later it starts anyways. It’s the way
youth 'express themselves’.

More than ‘expressing oneself’ it is more of an outlet for
different kinds of emotions and feelings. If teens do it for the sake of doing
it and to fit in and be one of the group it is not healthy. Casual sex for the sake of following a fad is not healthy according to me.

2] What should be the appropriate age for this 'expression of self ‘?

It all depends on the emotional maturity of the person.
Abstract thinking develops between the ages of 19-21 and that is when the young
adult is able to connect the dots between action and consequence. Indulging in
sex before puberty is definitely a big NO but with each passing day one reads
in the news of kids beginning to experiment at a very young age which is very
scary. Which is why ‘talking with the kids’ is very important and repetition
helps to get the message across.

3] Was the compulsion of being a virgin till one got married a horrifying
puritanical excess, a suffering ?

I would not call it suffering. But wanting to lose one’s
virginity just for the heck of it is more horrifying. The 2 persons concerned
should have some emotional connection and be committed to each other before
going forward on the physical front.

In the generations past, people got married very young and
majority of them were married off straight out of school (for girls) and
college (for boys). Times were different before the advent of western culture
and the exposure it brought.

4] Many youngsters believe today that expecting virginity till marriage is sick
and judgmental. Do u agree?

See above. I do not believe there is anything wrong in being
a virgin for the right reasons. But wanting to lose one’s virginity for the
wrong reasons to follow a fad or to fit into a group is more sick. One should
never do something they would regret later on or look back upon with shame.

Television and films of today are sending the wrong
messages. Everything has changed. Even the clothes teen girls and young women
wear today are so revealing. Kids today know so much. I was so DUMB in these
matters when I was in my teens.

5] Were our ancestors judgmental or were they making these rules to keep
minimum chaos in society ?

I will go with the latter. Judgmental would be the ones who make others believe virginity so something 'sick' and bad.

6] Is it ok if teens indulge in sex if they use adequate protection? Should the
permission for sex be given if they promise to have 'safe sex’?

I doubt any parent would voluntarily ‘give’ permission for
their teen to go have sex. As a general rule teens will do it without notifying
the parents. I grew up in times when parents did not discuss such matters with
or in front of kids. What we watched on television and in movies, the way we
dressed was completely different. TV aired for a limited time during the
evenings.

Our generation, whether we live in India or in the
west have to do things differently. We have to talk and discuss on this topic
with our kids – I did with both my kids. They have standing instruction to come
ask me/talk to me about anything anytime and they do.

7] Would we want this for our children when they grow up? Is it a part of
'letting go “?

Whether we like it or not, want it or not, this is the way
society is going as of now. It all depends on US the parents in giving them the
right values and guidance so that they feel armored in differentiating between
wrong and right and making wise choices. It also gives us a sense of comfort
when we do ‘let go’.

8] Adults can have it if they r unmarried but teens can't is what some believe
.Is it fair?

A lot of things in life are not fair. If the teens are
emancipated and independent and are carrying their own weight just as adults do
and are ready to deal with the brunt of their actions, only then can they make
a comparison and talk about fairness.

9] Who decides WHEN premarital Sex should commence?

This is a subjective issue but it according to me it should
definitely not commence if the persons concerned are not in a position to
handle the outcome of their actions – physically, finanacially, emotionally and
mentally. If they want to commence they should be able to pay for the
protection and other things with money earned by themselves and not be
dependent on their parents or excpect parents to rescue them if things go wrong.

10] If Teen Sex leads to pregnancies, should we help our kids our alienate them
?I ask this specifically as while doing irresponsible sex they defied us and
didn't ask us . So do they deserve help or should they bear the brunt of their
actions as that’s how it is in LIFE ?

Repeating what I have said in the different points above. I
totally believe in talking to the children and educating them in the area of
actions and consequences, giving them the tools to make wise and informed
choices.

A very nice topic. And loved reading everyone’s views on
this subject

Subject: Re: TEEN SEX : Wed Apr 27, 2011 4:42 pm

Since I don't have the time to reply to each of the questions separately which I so wanted to do, I'll just write the one thing that keeps coming back to me whenever I discuss this topic with anyone. Why do people want to grow up so badly? We are adults for the major part of our lives, from the late teens and early twenties and then forever! Childhood is a precious and a very important part of life, where you can do what you want with no tensions or responsibilities or expectations. I firmly believe that if you want to be an adult, then you should accept the responsibilities that come with it. Why would anybody want to give up that freedom of being a child, and hurry to embrace adulthood, something that can never be taken back. You can't turn the clock back, you can't be a child once again. I understand this for children/teens in troubled households where they don't have much of a childhood, and being an adult and taking responsibility of self is a good thing. Sex is probably an outlet, a chance at momentary love for such kids. But why do kids from healthy loving households do it? I can't fathom it. For myself, I love being an adult. I love that I can do whatever I want, spend on anything I want, travel, stay out late and all the perks that come with being an adult; mainly not being answerable to anybody. But I miss my childhood, which I consider to be till my late teens, when I used to have so much fun with no responsibilities. Yes, I didn't have the freedom I have now, but I didn't have any duties either. And I would not change that for anything in the world. And I hope that I can pass on that feeling to my nieces and nephews and children someday, that being an adult is inevitable so try being a child as long as possible and treasure it.

Posts : 62 Join date : 2011-04-24

Is teen sex really of the west? But how do we describe the West in the East, and the East in the West is also a matter of healthy discussion . I read some of Rabindranath's English translation short stories, and I saw the "teen marriage" and even preteen, at 12 years of age.

Teen sex and pre-marital sex is not same I feel. Teen sex is not exactly unhealthy I think, after a certain age, perhaps after the boy cross 18 years and the girl cross 16 years? I know I am treading on very hot surface here ... but please take it as my own personal opinion.

I wish marriages would have more support from the government, and if the society, environment and the Church (or temple/mosque) all come together and protect the sanctity of marriage, then it is possible. Teen who get married should be given part time job and also scholarship (infact it is now being discussed in Russia, Ukraine and Poland, as our populations are dwindling, and young emotions rebelling).

The first man (or woman for the man) is nothing less than special. I remember my experience and his experience which he shared. For the woman, if he touches her soul ... it is a feeling which cannot be remade, and it cannot be written. It is something over the 9th cloud. For him, he cannot forget the fragrance of his first woman ... if he is a sincere and good man of high spirits.

These attributes help towards a successful bond ... a beautiful marriage. Just in today's time we are so motivated by economy and all things of material ... that we often fail to acknowledge passion ... and express shock or denial when it surfaces up as a living question.

Our body say’s we are ready, yes it is the mind which needs to be ready too. But are minds really not ready? Or is it just our perception that it is not? Because we want to believe that unless the man or the woman is equipped of the world of wallets, they really should not be in love or pay heed to the call of their bodies. Then begins the tale of right versus wrong, the inner and the outer fight, a story of secret thoughts and worldly correctness.

Why cannot the patience have a justified test? Perhaps the early 20s is a right time to let go of the boundaries set by society? Think of it, should it not be so? Are economy or money really a valid tool to object that first pure feeling of need, want, desire and devotion? That strange mix of attraction and emotion? … that glorious first touch into your soul by a man? Or that fragrance of his cherished woman which is unique and intoxicating to an extent which does not really get erased from the most unknown and remote corners of his mind? Well yes this happens to both the man and the woman in separate stages, but when they are sincere. Do you know, the great poet of Poland Adam Mickiewicz once said that sincerity is born of hope, and hope is born of a possibility. Can we not allow this possibility to a generation which can prosper in love and true compassion?

Well, I know that I remain unaware of Indian economy, so probably I added everything from a European perspective. I know, in Western Europe specially we hear “children having children”, which means that girls and boys in early teens becoming parents. This is not moral to our standards, but then that might be because we ourselves have family structures which are not working, and this family structure is a new one which kept the economic factors in mind, and was supposed to make men and women wait for their mid 30s (men) and the late twenties (women). I can say, that this lead to a fall in morality, and that lead to further worse. As it is said by the Holy Men … from one goods gets birth another, as from one bad follows another … for nothing was, is or will ever be static in this moving motion of live – whichever way you see it.

But yet again, in Poland we have jobs available, and a boy in his early twenties or late teens can have it. Also scholarship if he is a father or decided to get married to a girl who stepped in her later teens. They are aided in pregnancy. Yes, it don’t make them rich, but it has helped a crumbling system in many dimensions. Things which fiscal and financial logic were failing to do. Human nature is not based on accounting really, all those stuff are made only to help it be out of boredom, and develop a life cycle of development in making everything else more pleasant to serve his most pleasing purpose – love (and express it in passionate ways – with sex and kisses).

1] Is it healthy? Some say, sooner or later it starts anyways . Its the way youth 'express themselves' .
- It is healthy yes. But only healthy if we allow it to be healthy. Otherwise it is determined to take them down with it. Because they will rebel, and from one rebel they will go into another, and never be at peace. It needs to be brought back to constructive ways … and not let be born into a destructive womb which is expelled by society and religion.

2] What should be the appropriate age for this 'expression of self ' ?
- Appropriate way should be marriage (or allowing it after they engage). 16 minimum for girl, 18 minimum for the boy. But the government must be capable to come ahead with support. I can only speak from a European perspective.

3] Was the compulsion of being a virgin till one got married a horrifying puritanical excess , a suffering ?
- It was for me a very sweet and thrilling experience. I married at age of 21, now at 26 I can atleast say I do not regret it. For him too it was early 20s … couple or more year older to me. I don’t hope he regret … it don’t seem he does .

4] Many youngsters believe today that expecting virginity till marraige is sick and judgemental . Do u agree ?
- I think it is an American perspective (sorry if I am stereotypical). It is also very Hollywood which you must agree I think. Increasingly this is not the thought of Europe among many Eastern Europeans (who are portrayed very badly again by Hollywood).

5] Were our ancestors judgemental or were they making these rules to keep minimum chaos in society ?
- Ancestors are followed? I think we have only been very short sighted. We did not develop anything but the technological and financial world, we neglected the social order and let it be shaped like an orphan child, getting hits and bumps from out other new interests – economy and technology. Ironically, both those new interests have no other purpose (in the strictest of means) but to serve that basic and very initial interest of ours – the interest of Love, and the worship of it, the pleasure of it … in a more eloquent and precise way.

6] Is it ok if teens indulge in sex if they use adequate protection ? Should the permission for sex be given if they promise to have 'safe sex' ?
- There is nothing exactly as “safe sex”. Multiple partner, promiscuity will lead to many various forms of sexually transmitted diseases, and most of them to not have a permanent cure. This is something which was taught to us in our university and also in the Church . You may look into it in the web, I am sure you will find interesting information about the types of STD and how they spread. A condom do not protect anything more than the obvious, while other contact points remain open, and from the mouth also much occur.

Kissing can make some STD spread too. I don’t know of Indian practices of sex, but we in Europe tend to be little more aggressive (also the girls) in bed . Oral sex with multiple partner spread STD too. All kinds of sex are pure and proper, also “chaste” between honest and loving MAN and WIFE.

7] Would we want this for our children when they grow up ? Is it a part of 'letting go " ?
- Letting go? If we do not wish to take charge of our societies, then this might not be the issue with our children. Remember this is an issue of our times, and times change … if it “let it go”, it will change shape, and from bad will be born a new bad, more in magnitude! The children (many) in West lost already a lot to the mistakes of their parents … now we as parents are to be either “blind” or “awaken”. I am just happy because I know women who are willing to make a good home still, and they work hard for it. There are men too … but one must look, judge and wed .

8] Adults can have it if they r unmarried but teens can't is what some believe .Is it fair ?
- Adults shouldn’t have it if they are unmarried. They can with girlfriend/boyfriend, but only if they are determined to marry. Always better to wait for the wedding bells!

Again, in Europe not many wait. Eventually something happen and if the marriage is stalled, it is a single mother on her own. Best thus is to wait.

For me, we slept together but nothing more (we waited for marriage). In some places like Europe, couples come together, and if one refuse it is not normal, as if she/he is not serious about the relationship. It is a foolish way we try to confirm his interest. But it is delightful to just sleep with hug on a frosty night, knowing it is your lifepartner. When he is more interested on being with her rather than just her body – it is a great and strange warmth … and later ofcourse sex does come. Sex is pleasurable and almost a divine experience … but the presence of love is what makes it truly fair … otherwise everything becomes unfair, and only guilt will surely remain floating in the base.

9] Who decides WHEN premarital Sex should commence ?
- Fortunately/Unfortunately the decision is that of those individuals. But their decision can be helped by society, environment, culture and people’s perception towards a proper seed for a proper society.

10] If Teen Sex leads to pregnancies , should we help our kids our alienate them ? I ask this specifically as while doing irresponsible sex they defied us and didn't ask us . So do they desrve help or should they bear the brunt of their actions as thats how it is in LIFE ?
- We must help them … even unite them. We must not forget that if we do not stop the bad once with a good, then the cycle of bad will continue. This cycle can only be converted, not stopped. Converted with good … so that another new but good cycle begin.

Anyways … I tiped it in the morning, but couldn’t send … now just copied it and pasted it to send on a click … wonder if anyone took the time to read . It was probably too European (more of an Eastern/Central European) perspective … again, limited India for me .

Thanks … goodnight … just came to bed after the shower … will sleep in a moment …

Dobranoc (goodnight)!

Posts : 577 Join date : 2011-03-24

Ancestors are followed? I think we have only been very short sighted. We did not develop anything but the technological and financial world, we neglected the social order and let it be shaped like an orphan child, getting hits and bumps from out other new interests – economy and technology. Ironically, both those new interests have no other purpose (in the strictest of means) but to serve that basic and very initial interest of ours – the interest of Love, and the worship of it, the pleasure of it … in a more eloquent and precise way.

Polki ur perspective was very beautiful .

The question you asked is very interesting . No Ancestors are not followed . In Fact , Ancestors r not even understood in the proper perspective .

Speaking of my country India ............Our Ancestors and their knowledge got somewhere lost in the course of time . Very little was filtered down to us and even THAT was distorted . Easpecially their views on teen sex .

A big hue and cry is made today about how our ancestors were wrong in promoting teen sex ...........the child marraiges in India .

But that was a distortion of what they advised . They advised marrying young , with the consent of elders who arranged the marraige , but they advocated sex only after the girl grew up ..........till then she was supposed to stay at her mother's house only . A special ritual was performed when her mother in law deemed it fit for her to be brought over for child bearing and shoulderig household responsibilities .

The age of the husband was always more than the wife ...........sometimes even a gap of 10 years . This was bcoz biologically a woman ages faster than a man where sex is concerned . For instance ........a 4o year old woman is considered rather middle aged and beyond the marraige age but a 40 year old man is still considered young or an eligible groom . A man enjoys sexual life more than a woman . He can procreate even at 70 . This is nature's gift to him . A woman can experience another miracle ..........giving child birth . A Man cannot experience this .........so all these gifts are balanced out .

The young age of the woman was ostensibly insisted for child birth purposes . The Later the children .........more possibility of child birth complications ..........today we see children with Downs syndrome etc ..............coz women give birth even in early forties . The possibility of twins , Downs Syndrome etc is more after 35 .

By the time the woman was 45 she wud have experienced it all ............sex , children , even grand children . She would then turn to a life of spirituality with her co companinon ...........her husband .

Sexual diseases were rare and almost non existent and the virginity clause ensured no pre marital sex . As u said , the first experience touched the soul and propogated values to be followed even later . Two timing was looked upon with a horror .

It was predicted by our Ayurveda physicians that a disease like AIDS would be the result of excessive indulgence in sex with various partners . They had written it down like Nostradamus wrote his visions down . They had predicted it so long ago .........the symptoms and also how there would be no cure iif it got out of hand .
When AIDS first reared its ugly head and sent the world scampering in fright , many articles were published and I read this by a research scholar who was studying it .

I fully agree .......do we follow them ? in the REAL sense , as THEY told us to ? We Don't .

Posts : 44 Join date : 2011-04-27

Nice topic will have to read every post!

Posts : 20 Join date : 2011-04-18

Very interesting topic, unfortunately I am a little late to the game because of exams. Well I am a teen, reared in both India and abroad so I am faced with these issues every day. Kooldi you said upthread about proms and how they influence kids badly and are unnecessary. Well my prom is next week, and I think the culture of the school and the society influences children a lot more than prom. See, for our prom, unlike American proms, there is NO pressure to find a date and very few people come with dates. Girls and guys dance separately and together but it's mostly a platonic experience. Not ONCE have I even heard someone mentioning a prom date.

So that leads me to my next point: more than anything else, it is the values of the parents and the society which influence the child the most. I learnt the mechanics of sex very early, in fifth grade, and because of the school's desire to educate us properly and my own tendency to read thick books I figured a lot of it out pretty early. But my views are still pretty traditional.

1] Is it healthy? Some say, sooner or later it starts anyways . Its the way youth 'express themselves' .
I think physically, it can be healthy, if proper protection is used but like Polki said, diseases can spread through many channels. Abstinance and monogamy are the only surefire way to prevent diseases. Emotionally, I don't know. For traditional people, sex is only healthy if it is accompanied by love and trust. It is NOT just a physical act, you cannot separate the mind from the body. So I feel for girls who have been brought up to think that sex should be within a marriage, that it is sacred, indulging in premarital sex will have emotional consequences. You cannot divorce your upbringing completely. Your parents' words and advice will always be ringing in your head. OTOH if you are brought up in a culture which celebrates casual sex and TRULY feel the same way, then I think that sex will have fewer emotional consequences.

2] What should be the appropriate age for this 'expression of self ' ?
I don't buy that "expression of self" arguement.

3] Was the compulsion of being a virgin till one got married a horrifying puritanical excess , a suffering ?
Don't think so, people got married pretty early then. Now I don't think that marriage is necessary for sex, but a loving, committed relationship is definitely preferred.

4] Many youngsters believe today that expecting virginity till marraige is sick and judgemental . Do u agree ?
Agree with the others. The standards should be same for both men and women and judging someone's character on just one act is silly. But conversely, judging someone for NOT have boyfriends is equally bad. Where I live, almost everyone dates and has relationships. they think I'm quite odd for not casually dating or being okay about arranged marriage. I think judging is just wrong.

5] Were our ancestors judgemental or were they making these rules to keep minimum chaos in society ?
The latter

6] Is it ok if teens indulge in sex if they use adequate protection ? Should the permission for sex be given if they promise to have 'safe sex' ?

No one ever asks for permission. In Indian societies they don’t even talk about it, don’t know about Western families.

7] Would we want this for our children when they grow up ? Is it a part of 'letting go " ?
Cannot really say because I obviously don’t have children but looking into the future, I think definitely not! Letting go is giving them the vales, the maturity and the capability to make it by themselves in the big wide world.

8] Adults can have it if they r unmarried but teens can't is what some believe .Is it fair ?
Again this depends on the society. In middleclass Indian society, even adults having it before marriage is frowned upon. Where will you do it anyway because most Indian adults don’t have their own place before marriage.

9] Who decides WHEN premarital Sex should commence ?
Only the individuals.

10] If Teen Sex leads to pregnancies , should we help our kids our alienate them ? I ask this specifically as while doing irresponsible sex they defied us and didn't ask us . So do they desrve help or should they bear the brunt of their actions as thats how it is in LIFE ?

I think the parents should step in. Everyone makes mistakes sometimes and by not helping one is just laying the foundation for more disasters later on.

Basically, I think you should not judge what other people do. Who cares what the neighbour does or what your classmate does? We should only be worried about what people close to us do. Of course, what someone else does can add to the sexualized culture which will later affect our own children but by and large I think it's easier to just ignore people we don't care about. And like I said in the beginning, the parents' (or the relatives if in joint family) values count the most. I know a young girl who is constantly watching TV and MTV and lives in an India metro but she is 100% innocent, doesn't know a thing. Is not even interested. I think that's the result of the tone of her house and her parents' culture.

Wow that was a long post and very late too.